[Sept 3rd, 2017]

Gyunnie,
I went to the airport today.
Most people think will think that I am super crazy for going here.
But I need this.
To just go here, seeing people leave and coming back.
It was so beautiful.
I saw this one guy, he was holding 2 roses on his hands.
He wasn’t aware but I waited with him in front of the arrival gate. I wonder who is he waiting for.
Maybe his wife & kid?
That was what I assumed. Or maybe some friends.
I waited for 15 minutes with him.
Finally the person that he was waiting for had arrived! He ran up to them and gave them the flowers.
It was his parents.
I was surprised. I didn’t know why.
I hadn’t see that coming. I was 99 percent sure that he was waiting for his girlfriend.

I was wrong.
I realise that I’ve been wrong a lot of times in my life as well.
I do wonder why my life is lonely these days.
Why I’ve been so lonely and “not normal” ever since the break up.
It’s like I am a totally different person.
I remember people telling me to act normal so my feelings will be normal as well.
It’s really hard.
I think in a sense, I enjoy feeling this way – dwelling on the break up and the feeling of sadness that comes from losing you. Because without it, I will be completely empty.
I will have no feelings, at all.
And having no feelings at all is a lot scarier than having depressing feelings and thoughts.

Gyunnie,
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day.
Are you nervous or stressed out?
I hope not.
If people ask about me, you can just say that I died. Or I never existed. Or blame me for the break up.
Be strong, stay strong. Stand tall in front of your aunt.
She’s just jealous of you, babe.
She’s always jealous of an amazing person like you.

I tried remembering a few moments that I shared with you, it’s getting harder and harder for me to remember everything like I used to do.
I am losing my memories, one by one.
I am erasing our special place, one by one.
I am erasing you slowly and surely
Isn’t that scary? Are you … perhaps mad?
Maybe time pity me.
Time has been the witness of everything and now time is healing me, in it’s own special way – by forgetting you.

I am also well aware that someday this one way letter to you has to end. Somehow.
Because writing here will never make me gain any reply from you.
I know that you’re alive and you are well.
But sometimes, I forgot that you’re phsyically alive somewhere in this world.
That you are just one “click” away from me.
One phone call away.
One bus ride away.
That you’re still here with me.
Even though there are million of miles between us.

Goodnight Gyunnie.
[Incheon Airport, 9:40pm]

Love,
-Mina