Dear Monica:

A few comments before I re-read the communication you had with him.

First item is your comparison of the birthday-wishing communication and the Thanksgiving communication. From memory of the first, I don’t see a difference. I am thinking that you were less congruent with reality then, more inclined to wishful thinking and make-believe, so you perceived that communication in a very wishful thinking way.

Second item is your perception that your life was perfect when in the four month relationship with him- it was not perfect. You were distressed every time you separated from him and during the times you didn’t see him for extended periods, when he was studying for exams.

Third item is your perception that you used to be a happy person before you met him and during, and now you are depressed, a drastic shift. You had happy times before you met him but you were not always happy before.

Fourth item is your perception that you have close friends while in reality you don’t share your intimate thoughts and feelings with anyone (so you wrote) but here. You also feel like an outsider in the university/ Korea. Close friends are those with whom you do share your intimate thoughts and feelings and who accept and support you. When you have close friends you don’t feel like an outsider.

Fifth item, the communication with him yesterday, I just re-read it:

There is no indication in it of affection or intimacy on his part, only politeness and social graciousness.

There is no indication of him having an intent to resume any kind of relationship, be it friendship or otherwise.

His words were that he doesn’t know “the right manner to date”- translated from Korean, I understand. He referred to those four months as “dating”, not a relationship, then? Did he tell you during those four months that he loved you, that he saw a future with you…?

anita