Dear Leaf:

As children, and adult children, we often believe what is not true about our parents. The reason is the child’s need to feel safety with the parents, a motivation we often don’t outgrow. So when you wrote: “I know they’re (your parents)  suffering as well not knowing how am I doing or what’s going on with my life”- you may very well be wrong and they are not suffering.

What is certain is that it is you who are suffering believing your parents are suffering. It is certain because you wrote: “I  know they’re suffering as well…  and that creates huge amount of anxiety for me”.

You wrote: ” I feel this huge amount of shame and disappointment in myself because I feel like I’ve failed my parents” – when you really see your parents for who they are, when you truly eliminate the motivation to see them as all loving and good in spite of everything, then you realize that … well, your failures are small in comparison. I mean, your mother is secretly dating another man, for one.

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

anita