Hi Matt,

I just now read your post. I see that you received alot of replies. I have not read them, but I will give my short perspective. I could not do it. If I were married, I could not share my husband with another woman. The thought of even thinking about my ex with another woman kissing or having intercourse makes me nauseated, or wanting to have a panic attack. I feel God made marriage between one man and one woman, an open marriage is out of the question, to me it’s not a marriage, just a roommate situation, no matter if they are the love of your life. I couldn’t even think about it. Its It’s all or nothing for me. I can’t or won’t share my husband. It’s wrong.

Eliana,

I appreciate your outlook on marriage and will tell you that I have really taken a deep look at what defines a marriage generally, and what defines my marriage specifically. Relationships are strange right and each one is unique. The way I look at it is like you or your partner having a best friend who is the opposite sex. Have you ever heard of that? I know quite a few people who share this, even to the point where they truly love their best friend. So you can have love for two members of the opposite sex, albeit two different types of love. Would you allow your partner to love a member of the opposite sex?  Then there is the intimacy portion of relationships, this gets harder for me, although I have had some very interesting discussions concerning this. It is a subject that can get into some very frank discussions that I think are better handled in person. It is a very personal discussion concerning happiness, pleasure, growth, and exploration. I am still not sure one way or the other, but it has allowed me to venture into a very uncomfortable zone which I am learning is quite refreshing after all is said and done.

My wife and I love each other, we are raising children together, taking care of family members, and are trying to live a fulfilling life. The fact is that when you are married with a family you are constantly sharing your spouse. You share them with their career, with the kids, with their hobbies, you end up sharing them with everything that makes them happy and gives them pleasure. So this really all boils down to sex, intimacy, trust, and communication. I am not trying to say that you are wrong, I am just talking through my thoughts and feelings. This is an on-going evolution that I am going through, maybe it is something that I end up disagreeing with, or maybe not. I just havent gotten to that point yet.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Thanks

Matt