Dear Andy O’Sullivan:

You are welcome. I am glad posting here helped clear your head and hope you continue to post anytime you need clarity.

I want to suggest something regarding the “madly in love”, intense feelings for the ex girlfriend who was often unloving,  in a relationship that was unhealthy for you vs the calm feelings toward your current girlfriend who is loving, in a relationship that is healthy for you:

let’s say a child is living with an unloving mother. The child has no option of another mother, he is stuck with the one he has. All this dreams and hopes are in making her love him, so he tries and tries to please and do for the parent, to earn her love. There is no more intense feeling for that child than the desire to be loved by this (unloving) parent. As this child becomes an adult, when he gets into a relationship with an unloving woman, same desire awakens, to please and do and earn her love. It is an intense desire. It is as if, this is the only place and only hope for him to be loved.

The adult has a choice, a different girlfriend. Calm is better.

anita