Dear yk:

The emotional attachment you have for your ex girlfriend is strong enough to … confuse your thinking, and so it is messy, all over the place (“my logic sounds messy. My thoughts are still all over the place”)

There is no logic, no reasoning with emotional attachment. That emotional attachment says: I want her in my life! That is all it says. It doesn’t care about compatibility and similarities.

As to logic: a couple cannot and should not aim at being identical, having “the same habits, interest and behaviours”. Each person in the couple should have the habits, interests and behaviors that the other can live with, tolerate, endure with peace of mind. If one person’s habits, interests and behaviors annoy the other, then the other will often be annoyed, lifetime. That is not a good way to live.

I suggested you negotiate with her prior to making a decision for or against reestablishing the relationship. If you can handle such talks specific behaviors that trouble one about the other can be discussed and suggestions made about adjusting those so that they are tolerable, at the least, by the other.

* Respect should not be adjusted or compromised though- it needs to always be there in one’s talk and behavior with the other.

anita