Hi Jeff,
It seems to me, that following your divorce you almost tried to “heal” yourself with another relationship, almost to mask the pain of the divorce. & throughout this second relationship, you tried to patch things together, & it seems to me that you craved the connectedness that you had previously “failed” at in your marriage. Therefore, you became and still are, attached to her because maybe you feel like you don’t want to “fail” again? Divorce & relationships not working out don’t equal failure. Although this isn’t a nice experience to go through, life is a learning curve & sometimes things don’t work out with certain people. This is why communication in romantic relationships is so important, for both parties, to be able to talk about any problems that may arise openly & honestly.
Getting into a new relationship when you still have raw emotions & unanswered questions within yourself is usually always a recipe for disaster as those emotions get transferred into your new relationship.