Hi H,

I was reading your post and the concept of attachment style came to my mind. Not sure if you have heard of attachment styles but you can go have a read. Sounds to me you possibly fit the description of someone who may have anxious attachment style and your boyfriend fits that of someone who possibly has avoidant attachment style.

The thing is these two attachment styles reinforces each other’s way of interaction – the more anxious you are and you reach out to him, the more he avoids. The more he avoids,  the more anxious you feel. And the cycle repeats itself.

Bad news: psychologists believe attachment styles stick with you.

Good news: awareness and making changes to how you interact and react can move you to a more secure way of relating with each other. Having a good therapist you can form  a secure way of relating helps too!

Seems like you have the awareness that you tend to get anxious and you are wrking on it which is great! Im wondering if he is as self-aware and as willing to work on it with you?

It takes two hands to clap to change the pattern of interaction so if you alone are doing the work, it may not be as effective.

You can read up more to see if it really fits your situation and what can be done!

All the best! 🙂