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Dear DP:
Here is a possibility, let me know what you think of it: you live with your mother while your father disappears for long periods of time, having affairs with other women. Your mother is suffering. You feel great empathy for her. Being a good boy is very important to you: unlike your father, you are going to be there for your mother, you will help her.
But being exposed to her suffering, you naturally long for a happy-go-lucky living, being free of suffering. And so, secretly you long to live like your father, to be out and about, have a happier life, elsewhere.
I wonder if you felt angry at your mother, at times, for… trapping you in her misery…?
anita