Hi anita,

Thank you for the response. You were very clear, but I realised now that the problem is with me, and not her. Almost all the things you stated, I have been guilty of. I did not call her names, physically, or verbally abuse her – but I have often been unable to keep my temper in check whenever I am in distress. She has been extremely tolerant of me, and yet I have not realized the folly of my ways until you made it clear. I have also been guilty of shutting her out (silent treatments).

Sometimes, when I find it difficult to understand things, I tend to look to assign blame. When we were still together, I mostly blame her. When we broke up, I turned the blame inwards towards myself. I know this is not the solution.

I won’t try to win her back, as I have realised what is wrong with me. Now I just want to be a better person, an ’emotionally healthy’ person. How can I do that? I have been in abusive relationships before I met this girl, and while it is definitely not all attributed to these past traumatic relationships, I think part of who I am now has been shaped by them. How do I become a better person?