and now I’m feeling better. Am I bipolar? or just strong-willed?

I just made myself feel better by realizing that I need to be the person I am looking for. In other words, the reason my previous relationships didn’t work was that I was never happy with my own life. I can’t expect someone to make my life better if I am not first satisfied with mine. So, the very thought of making myself a priority and doing the things to attain my goals made me smile after months.

This is what I need to work on –

1. career growth

2. work on the side business that I started months ago that got side-tracked because of job and other stuff

3. travel more and be adventurous – like I always wanted to but never got around to do

4. Eat healthy

5. workout

6. overall, be a best that I can be

This recent “mistake” made me realize that I would have never realized any of this if things get so ugly. I would have never realized what I wanted. I would have never accepted her in my life because I wasn’t open to it. No matter how hard she tried, I would have not let her in my life because I didn’t think about it that way. The reason being I never was fully satisfied with other aspects of my life – like career, business, self-worth etc. There was no way for me to realize what I want unless this whole mess happened. So, in a way, I do feel more alive. I feel more powerful at this moment. I feel like I need to focus on my life, my body and my mind first before I let anyone else walk through these tall walls I built around me. I need to redesign my life slowly first. I need to clear the clutter in my home and my mind and my body. I need to streamline my life first. I need to be happy with myself and my accomplishments first. I need to be satisfied first before I can truly accept the love from outside.

I have been very lucky in that I never had any shortage of love. I hope the next time it knocks, I hug it and never let it go…