Dear NightFlower:

In a previous post you wrote: “He then says he shouldn’t have to be convinced he loves me and like it’s an obligation”- he said that he shouldn’t have to be convinced that he loves you because at times he is not convinced that he loves you. He said it is like an obligation because sometimes he feels like loving you is an obligation.

In a recent post you wrote: “he  was not in the mood for intimacy (twice, both separate times)…We’ve never had that problem before”- I believe this is what happens when one doubts their love and feels an obligation to love.

You wrote: “He said I have done nothing wrong and I’m nothing more than wonderful to him. That his distance and needing space has nothing to do with me”- a whole lot of what he experiences, the distancing, has nothing to do with you, not a result of anything you have done, and has a whole lot to do with his childhood experience, way before he met you.

But he is also aware of your worry, your need that he feels love for you, that the relationship continues and ends in marriage, and he is troubled by guilt over the possibility that it will not.

Guilt and love/intimacy don’t mix, much like water and oil.

Let me know of your thoughts and feelings about my input so far, if you’d like and I will reply again.

anita