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Dear kadija:
I read most of your posts since September 2013. This is my understanding:
Reads like your choice of men is not the best, but there is a behavior on your part that will make a healthy relationship with any man, even a loving, decent man unlikely.
You wrote on Sept 6, 2013: “My bf use to tell me …I fight over small things, I get angry over minor issues and I keep going on and on and rewind the past too much…I am very ashame to say that when im angry and frustrated with my bf I get into a state were I thrash his things and fall into fits of tears, I don’t know if things get too much for me”.
Sept 26, 2013: “I see myself always trying to please people, until I have enough and break down….At times he will tell me he loves me but that im not a good person cause when im angry with I smashes his stuff out of frustration, yes ive done these things a couple of times…sometimes I damages things to vent my anger”.
Your pattern with men is that you do and do and do for them and then you get angry. When you get angry all hell breaks loose. You go on and on … and on, about how much you do for them and how they do nothing or very little for you in return. You break stuff, kick them out, and then you wonder why your relationships don’t last.
Again, the couple of guys you describe don’t read to me like a good choice, but with your pattern of behavior, a loving relationship is simply not possible with any man.
anita