Anita, apologies for the lack of punctuality in responding. It probably was disruptive to the conversation flow, and I understand if it is. Regardless, my appreciation for your time and attention remains the same. I know of no other venue like this and will be searching in my life for a place to return the gift to others.

You are correct in your understanding. Our discussion on the author was a launchpad of sorts to a mutual spiritual journey, especially in conjunction with our artistic medium. We helped each other in various aspects of our life. He was a very reserved and private individual and never publicly displayed his art before, shown in galleries, or pitched to art magazines for publication. From my encouragement, he found his voice and endeavored all of those for the first time in life. I was committed to helping him become cognizant of his talent.

There is something about taking adventures to off-the-grid locations to study and photograph the environment… with somebody that you love… that puts the experience on a higher spiritual plane. Reality becomes sharper and in technicolor, and there is an immutable sense of belonging. All humans need acceptance and love, and our experiences together brought that dynamic sense of validation, comfort, and wonderment at the world.

His abandonment left these horrific wounds because the turn of events were inexplicable in my eyes. A few weeks before my birthday I had taken a spiritual “vow of silence”, similar to what monks do to hear the voice of God. I had made a vow to not converse to anyone, and I made this aware to him. He did not tolerate this and was calling my mother frequently (I did not know this at the time; my mother told me after the break-up). On the phone he was desperate and in a great deal of emotional distress. He expressed how much he missed and cared for me. Then suddenly, a very small period of silence and then him leaving me suddenly on my birthday. It was a total change literally overnight. That is why I suspect he met this woman during this time period. But who seduced who? Knowing this woman’s history, I wonder if he was being taken for a ride, just like what Inky said.

Although I don’t know his new woman/fiance, from what I have seen of her projection on social media, she is the complete antithesis of me. She is not an artist or a photographer. She is heavily made up for being 50 years old and expensive looking. Her PinInterest site expressed more frivolous interests, if you will – albums of bikinis, manicure ideas, and fashion. I assumed my ex met her through work or they knew each other already and just never pursued anything. She has family that works in the same industry as him… as least when I was searching public records last month. The searching is irrevocably abandoned and I was just merely engaging in an attempt to understand.

One of my issues, as stated previously, is feeling like an expendable human being. I dedicated so much time, attention, and caring towards him. This woman’s image and persona feels “cheaper” than mine, and what I have given to him. All the selfies and tagging she posed with him on social media makes her look so much younger than what she is. She took photos of all the gifts (e.g. large and ornate bouquets of roses) he gave her and publicly posted them. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that 1.5 months later my ex is buying these showy and expensive bouquets of roses. She posted flashy images of her ring and commented with tons of emojis, “Look how happy I am!”. I don’t even own a smartphone or have any inclination to engage in these types of behaviors, and I am in my late 20s. I think it is incredibly juvenile, especially considering she is 50 years old.

During our relationship, our gifts were not pedestrian romantic things… we gave each extremely meaningful gifts: museum memberships, books (he gave me an art book published in France once), camera equipment, gift certificates to classes. They were more… cerebral. I certainly never received flowers or jewelry. The fact that he is going out and investing so much for this woman (including the overnight vacations around the country) in such a short amount of time, is sickening to me.

The psychologist I am seeing for all this trauma claims that he has exceptional issues. She claims that his original erotic interest of me is problematic within itself, and close to a quasi-pedophilia type of disposition.

I do know that he was in an overlap/rebound relationship when he first met me… except I was the overlap/rebound! I was too young to realize this. He was dating a psychologist at the time, and left her for me. And now, the pattern repeated itself and I was left for another woman. What is the meaning or motive behind this? If there will ever be an opportunity again in my life where somebody expresses an interest in me (highly unlikely) and that  somebody happens to be a “serial dater”, I now know to stay clear.

During our relationship, he did disclose to me that when he was young, he was in a relationship with a married woman. So I think he has issues with interpersonal boundaries. Again, all of these things I previously dismissed because of my naivete.

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by Stephanie.