Dear kadija:

In my last post to you I wrote to you: “Your pattern with men is that you do and do and do for them and then you get angry. When you get angry all hell breaks loose. You go on and on … and on, about how much you do for them and  how they do nothing or very little for you in return. You break stuff, kick them out, and then you wonder why your relationships don’t last.”

I based what I wrote on reading most of your posts since September 2013. I gave you these quotes: “I fight over small things, I get angry over minor issues and I keep going on and on and rewind the past too much…I am very ashame to say that when im angry and frustrated with my bf..I thrash his things and fall into fits of tears…sometimes I damages things to vent my anger”.

In your reply to me, following that post, you wrote: “i guess I keep picking the wrong guys who does very little for me, guys who expects a lot from me and rarely show appreciation.   Of course I am a loving and caring person, and with the right type of loving guy I could have a loving relationship s just that I keep falling for the same type of man over and over again.”

You conveniently closed your eyes to what you do wrong  in the relationships (with men, perhaps you have done so with your children as well), and focus on the idea that you get involved with the wrong  guys. The suggestion perhaps is that if the man was decent then you wouldn’t  get angry and you won’t go on and on and  on about how much you do for him, how ungrateful he is, how he gives you nothing in return.. and break his things.

Problem is, there is no … right man who will appreciate you enough, reciprocate enough. Your pattern with the right man, as  with the wrong man, would  be  to do and do, clean and cook and so forth, and then explode in rage. This is your pattern, your behavior, and it  is for you to own.

Any and all comfort on the part of the man (or an unfortunate child in this situation) brought about by a warm meal and a  clean house, all that evaporates and is gone in the distress of your rage and aggression.

anita