I don’t think he meant something specific as the “biggest secret.” I think he meant like overall they are his biggest secret. I guess like you said they are the root of his issues.

Should I take that personally that he doesn’t care for me to know them? In all fairness I didn’t introduce my family to him because of their importance to me. It was more the opposite. I’m introducing them to him because of his importance. In any other scenario I probably wouldn’t have because that just isn’t something that matters to me because I am not that close with them.

I just don’t know if we will make it if he leaves. I don’t know if I even want him to leave sometimes. Wake up with different feelings everyday lol Especially because he is giving me time to myself. I am realizing what really was causing me to feel the way I do;

We were around each other too much in my opinion, it made us start taking each other for granted.

But a new thing I never saw was the clutterrrrrrr omg. I feel like I am being smothered my OBJECTS! Like Im not Mrs.Clean, no. but I am organized and things have a place. I feel like everything is everywhere. Like I have been moving in for 7 months…its so annoying everytime I walk in. It makes me not want to organize and tidy because theres stuff of his every damn where. I didn’t realize how much it bothered me until I was without him.

Like why am I still pissed lol he’s not even here and then  I’m looking around this room like wth nothing has a place!! that’s not my life! lol He’s said numerous times if our place was like a 2 bedroom 2 bath or something we would both be happier.

Truthfully because of your insight I really do understand what is probably going on in his head a little better. So I do feel differently about what is occurring now. I just don’t really know what to do about. I don’t know how confident in my decision I am anymore. Due to our earlier shares John is drifting from my mind now. Everything you and the other girl said were true.

I have just never felt this feeling before. This fear of regretting. I am usually very confident in my decisions like this. But I just have this pit in my stomach full of fear that I will regret letting him go if I do.

I feel his hurt now because of our shares. I understand that what I am feeling has hurt him. Our home was just that, ours. Asking him to leave…I’m fucked up. But I just didn’t know what else to do. I was impatient I just wanted to be left alone. Its been about a month and I still know that’s my decision I just don’t feel as passionately about it as I did.

I intend to go to therapy when the year opens and my insurance changes. But I want him to as well, I think that’s what I need to happen to feel like I’m in an environment where both of us want to be better and get past the emotional baggage.