Yea I think he feels that way too. I think he has even said something to the effect of “I don’t bring you around them because I don’t want to lose you” I guess they may not like me, so to him that will affect how I may feel about him OR I may just not like the kind of people they are too him. Who knows..

Sometimes I just sit and think; is it supposed to be easier than this? Or is this what happens when two damaged people try and love each other. Is it possible? or will we constantly conflict?

I just know something needs to change because I wouldn’t spend the next 30 years of my life the same way this one has went.  I can say now that I don’t think I want it to be without him. Still nonetheless things need to change.

I’m coming back more into myself and acknowledging what I need, that’s helping. Like My friends for example. I have and always will have a extreme value of my friends. They have always been the genuine people in my life since childhood.

To him he sees them as temporary people who will dwindle away over time. Maybe like in his life where people have wronged him when they were supposed to be his friends.

That’s never happened to me, the worst things people have done to me have been spoken words or lack there of. And that came from my family. The friends I have I probably value more than my family. I think it irritates him because its like I care for them more…and its not really like that but I do love them very much, they have been there for me when he wasn’t even someone I knew; and if me and him never speak again I know they will be there then too.

I feel like your partner transitioning into being your “Best friend” is a progression of the mind not just something you decide and stop seeing other people in your life and that’s how I felt. Like oh your my boyfriend now..so we’re automatically BFF’s too.  But I don’t think he particularly likes that I need  to see them…or further more that I need that connection with them to feel like myself. Me needing stimulation from other people besides him annoys him.

I had to break it down to him like; I love you SOOO much I give you 75% of all my time but I need my friends. You CANT take “N’s” place she is a part of me. You CANT take “L’s” place she is a part of me. You CAN however be the most important person in my life….and you don’t have to take other peoples spots to do it. I have attachments to my friends like most people would have about their siblings. These are people who have been with me through a lot of shit over the past 6-7 years and have never wronged me. The ones that made it thru all these years I highly doubt they are going anywhere.

But that’s the pessimistic picture he paints like “its just a matter of time.”

and life does happen…people get older and life change but right now who I am. I need that.