anita,

to respond to “It wouldn’t sound good to others if her daughters didn’t spend time with her, but her personal experience with either one of her daughters is not more than her experience with a stranger, is my thinking. If you recall how your mother behaves with strangers, do you think she is as happy, content and satisfied?”

– There have been countless times where my mother and father are taking a drive somewhere (this is when i lived at home) – and I always felt oh so lonely and never had great friendships. My father was always delighted for me to join them. always asked me to come. I have severe ptsd from moments when my mother would literally, LITERALLY, tell me not to come. she would uninvite me. she would say “no you don’t come. you just stay home” Do you know how unwanted i felt? This goes along with the concept of just PEOPLE. does not matter who it is. daughter or strangers. it’s just that there are people. i have DISTINCT memories of when people my mother basically hated would come over. when they would leave, she would cry the same way. she just needs to feel occupied. i am this way too, because of her. i find myself in moments where i am not occupied, just crying. when she is with others, i do not think she is happy, content, or satisfied. she is thinking of her next moments. the next day. “okay saturday is done and set up. now what am i doing tomorrow?” for my mother, everything is next next next. there is no such thing as being in the moment.