Dear calisister:

You described some feelings here: “very emotional. am literally tearing…. overwhelmed, alone, lonely, confused, anxious… wishing… I didn’t feel this way…why am I crying?… oh so confused. and troubled”

Regarding C, you wrote: “I do believe she just think i’m ‘the crazy one’ and sees no fault of her own.”

You told me abut C’s very obvious contradictory statements about herself, showing little self awareness. Her poor self awareness would lead to poor awareness of who you are.

More important here, is that you think that you are crazy, at least you are suspecting that you are. (We project what we think of ourselves to others, automatically).

When you feel those feelings I quoted here, and as often as you feel this way, you do feel… crazy, don’t you. I mean, it doesn’t feel right, or okay to feel so troubled. Don’t you ask yourself what is wrong with me? when you feel this way?

Especially when you look at others and they don’t seem troubled.

This here is the trap, where most people get stuck.

Here is my input: your uncomfortable, distressing feelings do not indicate that there is something wrong with you. These feelings are not to be avoided, to be escaped, rejected, wished away. Your hope and healing is in these very feelings.

Some people escape their distressing feelings in ways that harm them, such as in drug abuse. Many escape their distressing feelings by abusing others. Many escape their feelings and live in the dark, so to speak, with little awareness (C.?)

These feelings you describe, as distressing as they are, are not your enemy but your friends. If you understood what is behind those feelings, you will no longer be confused.

Your confusion is not based on having crazy feelings but in misunderstanding your natural, valid feelings. If you understood, your distress would lessen greatly, just for understanding.

It would be such a shame if you lived the rest of your life believing deep inside that you are crazy, or that there is something wrong with you when in reality, there is nothing wrong with you.

What is wrong is that you were injured and you suffer the injuries inflicted on you. When a person is punched in the face and suffers a black eye, there is nothing wrong with the person for showing the black eye, it was a natural response to being punched in the face.

What is wrong is that you were injured, not that you suffer the results of the injuries.

You are very straightforward, a NSC. You state lots of truths but you need to relax as you state them, take deep  breaths, so that you believe these truths.

I will stop here. I hope you read this attentively when calm. There is much here. Let me know.

anita