Dear Reve,

I pray that you find the courage to see your self worth.

I just got out of a similar situation. I’m 25, we met when i was 22. He was 1 year younger than me. We were in the relationship for 3 years. It was my first real relationship. I was so into him, he made me laugh, we had the best times. Year one, I found out he cheated. I was so devastated, it crushed me so hard because one of my core values was to never accept a man cheating on me. I was stuck between my values and the man I loved, he beg and cried and said it would never happen again. I forgave him, I thought I could change him but TRUST ME once a cheater always a cheater. Two years in, he continued to do it, it got so worse. He was so into girls and how they looked and he told me girls would come on to him and he had no choice. I started to turn a blind eye to it but it still hurt me because I knew what he was doing.

I was so afraid of being alone, I was afraid of what others would think. Everyone knew we were together, his family and friends knew me and vise versa. I didn’t go out much, I didn’t have a lot of friends, he was my best and closest friend. I stayed in it for three years because I thought it would get better. I knew he had love for me so i figured that he would realized my worth and treat me better. He never did, he just got good at hiding his cheating and faking the good life with me. We used to talk about our dreams, our future, kids etc. I was so strong and confident before I met him. Being in that toxic relationship, I started to lose myself, my confidence, my self esteem, my self worth. I was so low that when he cheated on me and I found out, he will break up with me and I will find myself begging him to come back to me just because I didn’t want to be alone.

People would tell me to break up with him, i got so many advises over the years, it wasn’t like I was trying to be stubborn and not listen to them, I just couldn’t imagine a life without him around. I build my whole life and happiness around him. I made him the source of my happiness, I gave him control over me.

He soon realized that I was insecure and had low self esteem so he would do whatever he wanted and come back to me. He was stubborn, controlling and emotionally abusive. It took me a while(3 years) to realize my self worth, I was still with him when I started building myself back up, I started making friends, going out more. I started reading the bible, listening to self empowering videos, reading forums and listening to people who had similar problems.

Fast forward to New years eve 2017 when I ended things for good, I felt so free. I didn’t have any tears to cry because I used them up over the three years. I hope you soon reach to the day that you realize that there are better men out there that will treat you like a queen but more importantly you have to love yourself, to be content with yourself. Know that only you can make yourself happy, everyone else is an addition.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers so God can strengthen your heart and give you that courage.