Em,

You said you don’t want a divorce because you care for him like a family member.  That may be true but he is someone you don’t want as a husband which is different from being a family member.  Your pet dog is a family member.  Your Uncle Bob is a family member.  You still care for family members without being married to him or living with him.

My view to your statement of making a vow to your husband is that a marriage vow is a commitment not a prison sentence.  Nothing is forever for life changes, people change.  It’s a contract that can be renegotiated in my opinion because of what changes.  I think that the Buddhist view is that everything is temporary, i.e. “impermanence” and attachment is the cause of suffering.

You listed Cons on why you don’t want to divorce him.  One is that he’ll be really hurt.  First and foremost you are not responsible for his feelings.  Second you are worried what might be, i.e. that there will be bitter feelings.  You mean him having bitter feelings, not you?  Again that is his responsibility on how he views that and how he handles it.  He has played a big part in the reason why you want a divorce. Your third reason on why he might ignore the terms of the divorce is another “what if” scenario.  That reason is why you have a divorce lawyer.

I work on living my life from love rather than fear.  Your Cons are from fear.  Your Pros are out of love for yourself.

Good luck,
Mark