Anita,

I will share further. He thought that us not fighting was because I was hiding some kind of anger towards him. Apparently, he had been doing small things to upset me but I am very absent-minded and I never get angry, I explained that to him. Then he told me that he was used to fight a lot on his past relationships. I made very clear that I don’t think that’s healthy for a relationship and that I believe in conflicts as temples of growth. I am concerned, however, that he likes that angst, of fighting and then making up. But everything something upset me I was clear about it. I just didn’t bother with small things. I also promised that I was going to communicate if in the future something would bother me instead of solving the issue alone (which I did a few times).

His decision-making process is for example 1. “I hate myself because I suffer from depression, so I think I should be alone to solve this on my own and stay away from family, friends and you” Which he thinks is very rational and 2. “When I was younger I always wanted to be with my gf at the time, every second of the day, even tho with fought a lot, since I don’t feel that with you I don’t think I am in love with you” which he thinks is irrational…

And yes,  I feel like I give the ideas, he doesn’t. I asked him for ideas of his own last time, he gave me a few, one was that he was going to get a list of therapists and ask recommendations from a doctor he knows and that he wanted me to go slow and to give him space. No idea about us.

His plan is to see a therapist. He says he loves me, but that he feels like he is not in love because he doesn’t feel like spending every minute of the day with me. However, he feels in peace when he is with me and feels happy. The commitment issues he said, come from divorced parents (bad divorce), bad relationships in the past with lots of fighting and unfit partners.

Thanks!