Cherisse – I am late to this thread but your comments inspired me to sign up for an account here just to comment (and hopefully connect with you).

Your story is so, so similar to mine and it felt good to read about someone else’s experience with this atrocity. I do agree that it is betrayal and that it is irresponsible. I have read on other sites about women wanting to commit suicide because of this. That enrages me because I don’t believe there is any remorse on the part of the perpetrator. The more rational part of me doesn’t want to paint the entire country with a negative brush but it is hard not to. This culture both fascinates me and repulses me. I hate to say that, but I need to be honest and depict the depth of how my own situation has hurt me.

I was with my Indian “boyfriend” for almost two years. At first he wanted it to just be casual, telling me he had no time to be in a relationship (it was true that he worked a lot as his parents expected him to send money back home to them). Then the excuses became “I need to establish myself before being a relationship”. Yes, at this point I should have run but I had recently gone through a very traumatic life event and his company meant so much to me that it clouded my judgement.

Anyway, he went to India for his brother’s wedding and when he came back, he changed. He seemed to want a relationship. He asked me to marry him (four times). Our conversations became so much deeper. I was really falling in love and he did express this to me too. Until I did some snooping online one day and discovered a Shaadi.com profile he had. I waited to confront him for a bit. Thought it may have been old. Then when I saw activity on it, I brought it up. He became a completely different person, telling me he never had feelings for me and that I shouldn’t be upset with him because I “sleep with a lot of men” (which I don’t). After telling me that he flirts with a lot of girls in a similar manner, he then changed his tune to “I come from a good family” and “I need you to believe I am a good person”, pleading for my forgiveness. It was the most bizarre three hours of my life, like a manic episode. I just sat silent, let him leave and then ceased contact. He ended up flying back to India and getting married two months later. I don’t know how fast it was arranged but this will always bother me. That I may have been with someone already committed to someone else. The feeling disgusts me. It also disgusts me to think that someone could have been with me for two years and then marry someone else at the drop of a hat. Being with an Indian is not good for one’s self esteem.

I have much, much more to tell but … I will let someone contact me personally if they want more of my truth. All I can say to anyone reading this, as you are probably in the same situation, is run. RUN. RUN. RUN. These men will only hurt you. If you wish to stay, then demand to know what the future holds and, if possible, meet family. Do not lose your heart to an Indian. They do not view love in the same way as we do.