Hi Alexandra,

I am new to this forum and your post so I don’t know you as well as other participants may do.

I wanted to say that we recreate our past in our childhood again and again. I had a farther that was never there for me, who I was not important to, and I wanted his love (which I did not get). I was imprinted by this relationship and thought – this is love.

The truth is – this is NOT love. It is what we think is love. I just recently got out of a rollercoaster relationship with a man that acted sometimes like my farther. He did not take care of me as I deserved. And I loved him VERY much.

My take away is – we can still care about these people, but we are really wired very weirdly and in such way that we are reproducing things that we survived in the past. And its very painful. All this pain has a chance to surface and heal.

I don’t think life should be painful, complicated etc. You are the creator of your life and so have you also attracted this person into your life because your brain is wired in that way.

You come first. He won’t take care of you – but you can. You can take care of yourself, love yourself, spend your life with yourself, make yourself happy. You should be number 1 priority. If you can do this, somebody right for you will come and you won’t have to feel all this anxiety anymore.

If you can not break up with him now, then there might need to come a time where you hit rock bottom… I mean wanting to commit suicide already sounds VERY serious. This already should be a wake up call. Do you really think that his love is worth your death? Even though I have experienced how my heart was ripped apart in break ups and I wanted to die, you have to trust that are are MUCH stronger than you think.

I wish you the best and I hope you can find your path to yourself.