It is the middle of the night. I’ve made a decision to take a leave from the program. Not quitting. But asking for a mental health leave. It shouldn’t be this distressful to live. It just shouldn’t. I took myself to a movie today. The entire movie I cried. I cried the whole way home.

I am so unhappy. Just so extremely unhappy. For what? Nothing. Isn’t my well being more important right now?

I wanted to make this decision a while ago. One of the main reasons I haven’t is because I fear, yet again, being a burden to my sister. And I fear her, yet again, thinking there’s always something up with me. But this is my life. I cannot keep living like this. I have made this decision on my own. Without parents. Without her. I saw myself today. I felt the body pain today so intensely. I felt the anger so intensely. I am MISERABLE.

My body hurts so much I can’t move. It’s like I’ve been lifting bricks. I cried so much I didn’t know I had that much liquid in me. My anxiety made me crazy today. No. Not anymore. This isn’t for me to be this way.

I don’t want to feel tortured anymore.

this isn’t just about not being able to do a job or having generalized anxiety. This is ME. This is a real problem. I am hurt. Traumatized. Severely. And I need healing time. I truly need to heal.