Dear Anita

Well, this is the only place where I am honest and true and I don’t fear being judged, like I’m judged everyday, not by other  people but by myself. I often beat myself up and judge myself, here you do not do this, you’re kind in a way I am never kind to myself.

Where do you find you strength? I mean, what keeps you going?

I hate myself for what I am. I can’t look in the mirror sometimes, for those feelings and thoughts that don’t let me live. I told myself I’ll be fine and now I’m thinking maybe he’ll stay, because he said he doesn’t want me to send it, wanted to meet so maybe he’ll stay.. I know for certain he won’t, and I hate myself for adding this pain to all this, thinking, hoping and then suffering when he won’t do anything I hope for, like hundred times before. I can’t stop these thoughts, I wanted so much to not hope for this.