Thanks Anita for replying.

There’s some new development and I can really do with some help decoding this.

So, its been nearly a month and I had no contact with him nor did he reach out to me (or maybe, he did sometimes, but my phone was switched off during those times.) Yesterday, I’d switched my phone on for a while and immediately I got a call from him and fortunately or unfortunately, I answered it.

I didn’t say anything, just asked him why he’d called and let him say what he had to say- he said that he loves me, always has for he wouldn’t be in a 6 year long distance relationship with maybe few meetings had he not really felt for me at an emotional level. Though he didn’t really say that he treated me badly, he did say that he knows he’s hurt me a lot in the past some time and was behaving in ways that made me feel he was avoiding and ignoring me. For a change, he agreed that there might be some truth in my belief that he repeatedly pulls me in and pushes me out of his life but then there’s a reason behind it all.
He said that while he wants me and has always wanted only me, the long distance is getting too much for him. He’s like its been 6 years, we have met maybe only 3-4 times as we were both stuck with stuff. He’s like I want to be connected with you all the time and not only through phone calls or Skype. He in a way blamed me for the long distance as he’s been able to visit me more times than I have been able to visit him and said that he wants to end this long distance now and have a relationship with me when he can be with me. He said since our distance wasn’t decreasing and talking to me about visits wasn’t materializing so out of helplessness, anger and frustration combined he used to start avoiding me. He came to see me precisely to bridge the long distance and I refused to meet him. He’s like he loves me and is still what he was earlier its just that the long distance is frustrating him with every passing year and now he cannot do long distance, he desperately wants me physically present with him and is ready to come himself to me and give me all that love that I want, which he said he feels all this while but suppresses because he cant express everything over phone calls, if I agree to meet him.

I was getting really emotional but didn’t want to lose control in front of him again and thus, told him that I’ve some urgent office work that I need to complete this week and will call him back in a few days. I thought meanwhile I’ll think and even seek advice here and be sure if what he’s saying is genuine or not. All that I’ve been able to think so far is that:

1. I do not know if he’s genuinely sorry. Sometimes I think he is, but he’s said sorry so many times and then did the same thing that I don’t really know.
2. He doesn’t really realize his mistake, doesn’t see that avoiding ignoring me as a way to show his unhappiness with long distance instead of talking out with me when i constantly called him like a lunac was heartbreaking.
3. However, what he says about long distance seems logical to me. It is true that our relationship has gone for a long period without much meeting, maybe once a year or twice, mainly on an emotional level, it is also true that many times when we’ve planned meeting, it hasn’t worked out from my side due to various work/family reasons, though I’ve tried my best every time. It is possible that he must be frustrated with the long distance.

What do you think, Anita? Does what he say seem logical or am I again getting emotionally blinded? Also, in case it does, should I agree to meet him if he takes the initiative to come here again?

– Regarding Childhood scoldings, it was mainly on lines of getting scolded for keeping my room as a mess, or not studying on time, or arguing with my mother when I should have maybe just listened. Just those. And my parents reconciled really quick. Sometimes when they used to be too harsh, they used to get me chocolates later on.