anita,

thank you for your post.

i understand all you have said. i actually do not tell her about suicidal thoughts that often. but i think when i do, it seems like it is always happening. so i get that.

like i overwhelm her, she overwhelms me. constantly copy and pasting tiny buddha into emails to me. or asking me to practice tactics on the phone. the way that you describe how i overwhelm her or reach out to her repeatedly – that is something of the past that she has held on to because it has been traumatizing. i understand that. however, it is just not true that i do that on a regular basis anymore. with distance, we will see that. the part i found most offensive in her talk is that she made me feel (i know it may not be true), but in that moment, that i am doing all of this to her. but what about what she does to me? she never states that. to me or her husband (me just simply venting here). regardless, because of this, we will indeed keep distance. i agree with you fully.

i am leaving for my best friends bachelorette tomorrow. i have goals: smile, breathe, do not drink (if i have to for traditions, 2 maximum), leave the club/bar scene if i want to. i can do what i want. like you said, i have freedom. i have power

yesterday at the dog park, my puppy got attacked by another dog and was bleeding. he was yelping. i grabbed him. i cried. and cried and cried. i felt: wow i am his mother. and i have to nurture him. imagine how he would feel if i just left him. i do not want to be my mother.

therapy homework: find 3 affirmations by louise hay that mean something to you. put them on your bathroom mirror. read them out loud every morning and night. do not memorize them. read them out loud. Next, buy a doll that represents me as a little girl. she will come to each session we have.

cali sister (by the way – my favorite color is green, and i love mexican food!)