Dear joanna:

You are welcome. Of course I have patience with you, why wouldn’t I. After all I went “in circles” for so many years, and I am okay with it now, that is, I am not angry at myself for it anymore. Neither should you be  angry at  yourself. I would like it if you had patience with yourself.

You asked: “Where’s the reasonable hope?”-

It is right here, in that need,  “I need someone to  hug me and  tell me it’s gonna be okay.

Your reasonable hope starts with being okay with this need, this natural, human need. Being okay with it instead  of hating  it (“I hate that  I  need it”), and instead of trying to change it (“How do I change it?).

This need is not the problem. This need is not the enemy. It is your friend simply because everyone has this need, born that way. Other social animals have this need  too. This is how natural this need is.

And then, it is about whose hug is  going  to make  you feel at peace, and how much peace to expect. If a  person gives you a hug and later punches you in the face, literally or figuratively, hoping for a  hug will bring you another punch in the face, you don’t want that. When a  person has only hugs for you, is honest, sincere, decent, that hug will bring  you comfort, but it  will take a long time in such a relationship for that comfort to sink in.

anita