Anita,

I realise now that a lot of the time, I chase the validation of others for my own healing, which always fails to work of course. I realise this because since being back in England, to deal with everything I put all my energy into putting on gigs and tried to start up a band myself. Because I was so quick to use this as escapism, it means I allowed myself to be associating with people who weren’t good for me. There was a guy who was going to drum in my band but I found out later he was doing it because he liked me and was in fact really creepy. He just dropped all my amps back now, and I didn’t give him much energy at all. It felt liberating to know that I am moving away from the people in my life who aren’t in it for my best interests, and moving towards people who are genuine, kind and have honest intentions.

I think for me, healing is to start protecting my energy and to stop letting in people who won’t respect me or understand me etc. For too long I’ve been an open book, hoping that someone will pick me up and understand me. I’ve allowed myself to be open and vulnerable to a lot of people. Now I realise, I am my own book and only I need to understand and accept myself, and surround myself with other books who are on my wavelength.

Mark,

You’re right – I felt better today after posting on here, and knowing that I’m allowing myself to grow and move forward from this. I’ve been searching for the answers in the angel numbers and tarot cards, but when I posted on here last night it felt uplifting – because I knew that the right people were going to hear this story, and help me a long my journey – I needed to connect and share it with other people who understand spirituality and faith.

I think far too often I have been looking for answers from people who aren’t spiritual or have a faith, and so they can tell me what I want to hear, and then talk about me behind my back because they don’t understand my spirituality/ faith. If you read what I wrote to Anita – I have done this far too many times and allowed myself to be far too open to people who aren’t good for me. I’m glad I have the tiny buddha forums now because that has given me an outlet for my emotions in the right space.

Cat