Thank you both for your supportive comments! It is still a tough road for me and in cases, it hurts, but I feel stronger and more confident every day.
One of my biggest struggles is not to be afraid of others rejection and opinion about me. I have been for years, a child trying to please my mum, for having her love and acceptance and follow whatever she had in mind for me, to be the ideal ‘like an adult’ child. He, being distant to me whenever I was failing, was a real pain and agony for me and I was trying my best for not happening again.
I am still afraid of re-feeling that pain and I keep on trying to avoid it by letting others manipulate me in the end, based on their needs and expectations for me (the ideal girlfriend, the ideal lover, the ideal employee, the ideal friend), as I feel they are going to leave me If I say No or oppose myself to something they want. And this does not only apply to relationships, but also to working environment and friendships. At least now, I understand why I am afraid, of what I am actually afraid of and how that old pain from a distant&strict mother caused this fear. Knowing the enemy helps you fight and understand yourself better. I have still a lot to learn and a lot to fight. But day by day it is clearer within me.
I will surely be around and post soon more news, this forum helped me a lot back then!
Thank you,!
Mepina
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 