Dear Louisalou:

You are welcome. His troubles preceded you being in his life, took hold way before he met you. It was not and is not in your power to heal him no matter how hard you tried or may try in the future. You wrote: “it’s like he’s never grown up”- thing is, when injured as children, we don’t grow out of it unless we heal, unless we have new experiences that convince us that life can be different.

We have the same brain we had as children. We don’t grow out of it, we don’t get to replace it when we turn 18 or 21 or 81. There are times when people try, real hard, energized with that youthful energy, but when failing again and again, most of us give up.

I don’t think he can give you the closure that you need, don’t think he is capable of that. I think you  will need to move on without that closure you are hoping for. My advice: give up the hope, accept best you can your powerlessness in this situation with him, past and present. What else can you do but accept what you can not change…

anita