Dear Cali Chica,
I want to first thank you for your post. I feel empathy for you because I understand this feeling all to well. I wasn’t so much aware of it until reading your post. I want to thank you because being aware of something is the first step in healing. I to have self-trust issues. I am currently a college student at a university. I live on campus which is very different for me. I was working daily at a tough job and going to community school prior. I also went through a phase in my life where I was renting a room from strangers I had found online because I simply did not have another option for a home situation since my dad sold our house and moved on with his girlfriend. They live in a smaller condo that did not have room for me. Anyways, I have found that I have had serious self-trust issues arise during my time here at school. I do not have a lot of distractions anymore to hid this. I am currently not working just focusing on school. This is very different for me considering I had a much busier life style last year and prior. I even left my car at my dad’s because I didn’t want to deal with it at school. Having a car gives you a sense of freedom that I do miss sometimes. Sorry I’m rambling a bit.
College always has felt like something I have to do. Don’t get me wrong I do want to have a degree and do something meaningful with a career. I just don’t trust myself with being able to support myself. I have this underlying fear that I will never be able to succeed in a career or have meaningful relationships. It’s a constant struggle to trust in myself that I will be okay and I can have the life I desire. I am also struggling with relationships because I am such a deep person and it is hard for me to connect with other college students here. I apologize I rambled a lot. I’m not even sure if this all made sense lol. But, thank you for your post. I have some exploring to do with self-trust and I am going to start with sending more love within myself.
Christine
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 