Anita,

For many years, I actively neglected this aspect of my life and chose not to address it. I always felt as though accepting that I was damaged would make me a victim. In every aspect of my life, I strive to be the best that I can be, almost as though I am constantly trying to prove that I am worthy enough. The way I look in addition to my academic and professional achievements portray me as having the ‘perfect’ life, and prior to this recent experience with this man, that is how I felt. Truth is, I am injured and it will take a lot of work to un-learn my skewed patterns of love and affection.

Your analogy of being beaten and fed resonates deeply with me. I have often found in my relationships with men, I allow them to treat me badly and yet end up being the one who apologises. Each time I go back to them, I go with the hope that things will be different this time, but they never are. In fact, I could list every one of my previous relationships and in each situation, I am that little girl seeking affection, being beaten, and letting the cycle repeat again.

Perhaps I am also drawn to wounded men because from a very early age, I was the ‘protector’ for my mother during my father’s angry episodes. I take it upon myself to look after people, but neglect my own care. I’d like your thoughts about this?

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.