Hello Anita,
All of what you said is very true. I agree. I even read it to my mother, and she agreed.
last night I had a heart renching talk with my mom, she said that she knows I don’t wanna move on for some reason, and I’ll be stuck in this dark place. I told her why I was afraid to move forward (due to forgetting the past, losing memories, my high school crush on him, etc).
I woke up feeling great. I agree that the only way we can possibly have a future is through years of us doing our own thing and living our lives, and maybe we can speak and see. He changes his ways and I change mine. Separately.
Today he texted me asking for his sweater and things back. We then spoke more and we want to exchange the gifts we bought for one another. We talked about all the things we wish we could’ve done. My mom said it’s bad to dwell on the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s, and the ‘If only’s, or the ‘I wish.’” But this actually helped me feel a lot better.
I’ve also been writing letters, to him, and it makes me feel better too. I get everything off my chest. He doesn’t know I’m writing them and I can chose whether I give them to him.
I feel quite positive about the future. I know I need to move forward and focus on me. If life wants us to be, it’ll make us be. I’ve accepted that.
And your advice has been more than helpful! I need someone like you as a person therapist :’)
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 