I guess I should have explained how I was using the phrase “reptilian brains,” as it seems to have come across in a a way that I did not intend. It comes from the triune theory of the brain, which seems no longer to be fully embraced  by neuroscientists, but is still useful as a model to represent that part of the brain responsible for the fight/flight/freeze/submit responses designed to keep us alive. We all have the reptilian aspect of our brains and it is not derogatory or angry to say so. One aspect of the functioning of this part of the brain is its tendency to imagine the worst, and then to react as if the imaginings were true. Sometimes they are, but frequently, the imaginings are tied into older, painful childhood experiences. Thus, I believe, one purpose of therapy is learning to examine one’s impulses of fear, anger, aggression, etc. and to separate how much of that energy belongs to the present and how much of it is really the stirring around of very old traumatic experiences. Anyway, that’s how I see it.

In response to Anita’s questions, my anger followed theirs. My anger comes from my own frustration of being abandoned. Much of that energy comes from my past, and the present contribution of the energy is my frustration that I cannot resolve and connect with a partner who disappears. I don’t feel angry because my partner feels triggered into emotion. In fact,  I love working on being a present and patient partner. But when my partner goes away and refuses to talk, then that feels pretty awful.