Dear ElaMel:

I re-read your original post. Here are quotes from there and from your second post:

“In your original post you wrote: “I’ve been feeling a bit fishy…he became (at 18) extremely needy and possessive… He wanted to live in the same halls as me… he called me crying on the phone.. and made me promise him I wouldn’t leave the country again without (him)…. he started a hissy fit with me because he didn’t feel like I was paying him enough attention… 2 years ago… his mum helped me find a job after Uni so I was settled… He spoke to his mum about me moving back in but this time I would be renting a room from her… she says this doesn’t benefit her or make her any richer because she losing money having me in the room, only paying half of what the other person does. But it still sorts our her financial problems. But it will all be under my name…

him and his mum are super close…I just feel like I can’t trust them.. like they’re scheming behind my back… I previously taken out a loan for them as well this time last year. A large amount also, his little brother…. spent 3 months in a psychiatric ward…”

My input: if I was in your situation, according to my understanding, I would be suspicious too, and I too will feel lack of trust in his mother. First, she seems to have bad credit and unable to take a loan on her name. Or maybe she is unwilling to do so. You mentioned she has financial problems. I wonder what those are and why. Second, she is a calculating woman, seems like she does things for others with a goal in mind. She got you a job after Uni and kept that in mind as a bargaining tool for her benefit. Asked you for a loan then asked you for a second loan. And as a bargaining tool she communicated to you that she does you a favor by having you not pay the rent she charges from lodgers.

I don’t think she has done anything for you out of liking you or loving you. That she has plans that she carries on in less than honest ways.

It is possible that if you do not take the second loan for her, that she will stop repaying the first loan. It is possible that she has been repaying the first loan every month with the goal of asking for the second. She may stop paying for any of the loans you take on your name, leaving you responsible.

I would extricate myself from this situation ASAP, best I can.

Regarding the closeness between your boyfriend and his mother, which you characterized as sweet (the word you used). I don’t feel it is sweet. This is not a loving woman, reads to me, but a calculating woman, with a self interest goal in mind at all times, and that includes her relationships with her sons.

The “love” she has given your boyfriend was far from being unconditional. This is why he was so desperate for you, so in need of closeness with you… because he was and is not close with her, it only appears this way. He reaches out to her, reaches out for her love (I am thinking) but gets calculative moves on her part, instead of love. As in: I will love you IF..

I would extricate myself from the situation, financial and otherwise, with his mother and with your boyfriend as soon as possible and with the least financial damage as possible for you.

anita