Dear joanna:

Double posting. I relate to crossing the street, absolutely. If there is a chance, however far fetched, that I am doing something wrong, I panic, in a way, feel very distressed. It has been a terrible way to live. I speak here in present tense, but I am able to cut the distress short these days, sometimes avoid it. It has been a practice.

As a matter of fact, I felt like a bad person for thinking things, for feeling things… for not feeling what I was …supposed to feel. The guilt was thorough, frequent, ongoing.

anita