Dear Anita,

I remembered today one situation from the past: when we were on some trip organized by my mother’s company, I was in high school. There were mostly her colleagues from work. One day I was standing in a queue of 15 people, and one lady was standing in the back, and when I turned away and was not looking she went to this toilet before me. My mother saw this and came to me angry that  she went first, and I said it’s okay, and then she started yelling “you’re so short and people always mistreat you ” like she was angry at me for those particular reasons, that I’m short and that people mistreat me or bully me (assuming they mistreat me because I’m short). Funny thing this wasn’t even disrespectful what this woman did. I guess she didn’t do it to show me I’m less worthy or anything, this act of going first to the toilet. Probably didn’t even care who stood before her and probably the fact I’m short wasn’t crucial here (in a way that she wouldn’t mistreat a tall person by going before her to the toilet). What this woman did didn’t hurt me as much as those accusing words of her. I don’t even understand those words, not even now. Maybe you would. (There were many times she said similar things to me so this is just one of them).

Now thinking about this, I feel like I’ve been – not exactly as you stated it “told how to feel” but more of “manipulated into thinking that I am/feel”. Manipulated into thinking I’m short, have thin hair, I lisp, etc. My mother’s opinion of me: I am messy, I never clean, I am always offended and oversensitive, I’m short of course, have thin hands, things she seemed she liked about me or things that were pretty about me, for example darker skin like my dad’s she always talked about it with “jealousy” not very nice, always mocking me for this. Same with eyes or lips like my father’s, she never said it nice, always “those eyes you have, not like mine”, “you never have to get suntan, always look tanned, it’s not right, not fair, and those big eyes you have, like your dad” – more like accusation, like I had to say “sorry about this, mom. ”

That’s how I feel lately, being manipulated into thinking those opinions about me. I never hated  the fact I resemble my father though, on the contrary those are features I like in myself.

May I ask, what did your mother often accused you of?