Dear Zoe:

In your original post you wrote that when you talked with your mother about your breakup, you “felt empty” after the call, that while on another call with her, you “got this strange sensation that (you) ‘disappeared’ into the conversation”.

According  to your most recent post your mother has been misusing you and still does, so to vent about her relationship with your father. She feels uncomfortable to talk to him so she talks to you. I am thinking that you felt that you disappeared into the conversation because you were used.

Clearly, this dynamic has to stop. In other words, you must put a stop to your mother misusing you as a sounding board, as a place to relieve her distress. She can continue her relationship with your father the way it is, but she must stop supplementing it by misusing you.

I hope you exit that triangle you mentioned, the triangle you lived, unfortunately, for you. I think it will bring you the peace of mind you need. Exiting it and no longer waiting for strength to come to you from your mother, no longer hoping for it.

I hope you post again.

anita