I think in their minds they were not hurting me. I was given strict rules but still with a bit of freedom. But when I got older they had the attitude of it not being their problem. And I had the attitude that I was going to party no matter what. Even if I didn’t listen to them I feel they still could have said something. I feel like most parents would try to boost their child’s self worth.

I am trying to think about what he represents to me. He is 10 years older with teenage children which makes me think he’s a loving and caring person. He has been with his wife since they were 20 which is cute and I’m jealous because I always wanted the high school or college sweetheart. He supports his whole family even though we were working low paying jobs at a manufacturing facility. He has a cute house that they have been working on together for years.

Since I have gotten older I am actually more interested in going a non traditional route without kids and letting go of that marriage fantasy but I still can’t seem to shake my fantasy of a life with him even though he has a completely different life than me. He indulged me talking about my interests and dreams to work a better job and take time for hobbies and it seemed like he wanted to do these things too. I felt like I could help him get out of the house and do things as he never got a chance to and didn’t have much leftover money. As I mentioned before he talked about his kids but only one thing about being unhappy at home.

It’s kind of odd now thinking about how I thought something could work out with us. I don’t feel like I could ever be a step parent and there is this side to him where I know he pursues other women. I honestly don’t know I am seeing him differently than what is really there?