Hey Kylee,

I’m sorry about what’s going on. I think she may not have realized or expressed her hurt earlier on because it sounds like she has some jealousy and such around this.

I think a pretty hard and fast rule is not to sleep with the same people as your friends and definitely not to hook up again and all hang out. I know sometimes people say they don’t care – or don’t realize they care – but that’s a hard one.

If you’re just lonely and only want him to take the pain away, I get it, girl, I really do – I think we all do! But it seems like this is a trigger and I would personally recommend avoiding sleeping with the same people again.

Just because you didn’t mean to hurt her and she didn’t express her feelings at the time doesn’t mean she’s not hurt so I would also make sure to give her some empathy using nonviolent communication (nvc) – starting with empathizing with yourself first (and privately) and what you were feeling and needing and then listening to her with empathy, without getting defensive.

If you’re not that into that guy anyway, it’s not serious, and she’s more important, I would distance from him for her. That’s not ideal but I think he’s a trigger and you can avoid this in the future by not sleeping with the same guys.

I hope y’all can patch it up and I think empathizing with her (and yourself) using nvc is the best thing you can do. But also sometimes people just aren’t gonna forgive you quickly no matter what you do so I would also be prepared for that being a possibility and try to practice some acceptance about what’s happening so you can let go and learn from this and maybe you’ll patch things up a bit later. I hope none of that sounds harsh, and I wish you the best.

❤️❤️