Dear Gaia:

Things are changing for me, still in the process of changing. The change for me started in my first good psychotherapy seven years ago. That was only the beginning. I didn’t know a lot of things then that I know now. And tomorrow I will know something I don’t know now.

I will explain a bit: I was a very anxious child, had OCD very early in life and that was very difficult to have, to do all those rituals, all day long, it seems. I felt very guilty for causing my mother great suffering. I didn’t know then, but I know now, looking back that I believed I was a bad person. Also, inadequate and very unacceptable, the freak in a world of normal people. I didn’t know what choices to make when I was your age, before and after. Had no idea what was authentic for me, how to be.

Now I know I was not born abnormal and there was nothing wrong with me. I now know that the abnormal things about me, the OCD for one (I don’t think I qualify for the diagnosis anymore), was not something I was born to have, some fault or freakiness, but a consequence of growing up with a very distressing mother. A mother is a very powerful being for a child.

Let me know if you want me to share more, and if so, what would that be.

anita