Hi Everyone,

I just felt the need to update on this.

We broke up last week.

We gave it a chance and we both reached our short-term commitments. But he screwed up and that broke my trust and when I gave him the emotional responsibility of helping me re-build that trust, he felt he did not want to be emotionally responsible for me at all. That gave me a light, that I can’t have a relationship with someone like that. I wonder if I shouldn’t have put that responsibility on him, but I couldn’t figure out how to trust him again all on my own and I saw myself walking a very dark path all alone, I did not want that at all. So I was strong and talked with him about it, he said that I was right, that he didn’t want to be emotionally responsible for me, that he was always going to disappoint me and that he only had pain to offer. All his words really broke me, I eventually asked him what he wanted it to do then, (because for a while I felt like he wanted me to break things so that he didn’t feel guilty), he said he wanted to be alone I said okay and that was it.

I felt like asking for another chance, but couldn’t do it. I also felt like we still have so much to learn together, but is not going to work if only I work on this. It has been devastating and I am unsure of how to navigate this as right now. I feel frustrated, rejected, sad, angry… all the bad things I don’t want for me. He hasn’t made it any easier, he keeps contacting me, I guess to not feel guilty, I am not replying, he only wants to make sure I am okay and all I said is that I will be but that it will take time for me to heal. I feel like he wants to have me on hold in case he changes his mind. In this time, he has been doing all the things I asked for before, he communicates, tells me about his life, his work, his stuff. I don’t know why, but I am letting things flow and trying to accept them with love as they come. I can’t tell him to stop talking to me, I can’t tell him to leave me alone. I don’t feel capable of doing this. I am just very confused on what to do and while I deal with my pain and try to heal, I wonder if I am ever going to be okay, if this pain will ever go away.

Any words of encouragement are well appreciated.

ps: I am trying to feel excited for what the future holds for me.  I know that walking out of this was good for me. It was just not the right moment probably, it caught me in a bad time and everything feels like too much.

Thank you