Hi Anita!

i think I had a pleasant childhood, good parents and siblings, but I was always very insecure in how I compared myself to my older and younger sister. I often got jealous of the attention I did not get, that maybe started around 12 years old. Also did not have many friends in middle school, and high school I had a very large group of friends, and hung out with them every single day. I was suddenly extremely alone in college, and became very dependent on having company. Which is a bit confusing for me to understand, since I often pushed people away (mostly because I feel like a burden to people when I am depressed/upset). I gained a lot of self confidence by being on my own throughout those years. I also completely avoided any serious relationship in the past 3 years, due to never wanting to experience an awful breakup again. Although I experienced a few anyway, and reflected on them in an optimistic way, I was also happy deep down. Boyfriends I spend too much time with, and end up getting annoyed or bored very easily. With my current boyfriend, I hadn’t felt so comfortable and confident with someone in such a long time, but I suddenly felt insecure and annoyed again. In reality, I would not care if we broke up (I don’t feel like I need a man to enhance my happiness), but I want to share my life with him. Im just not sure how to do it without constantly feeling overwhelmed with the “serious and committed” label put on it, and how to stop being scared of feeling guilty about disappointing people. I also do not have too many hobbies or friends, so a part of me wants to push him away so I don’t depend on him for happiness, while another part of me wants him and to do other things.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by GC.