Hi Anita,

I apologize for the late response. I have been reflecting on this situation, and your questions, for quite some time.

To answer your question, my parents tried to instill in me the value of hard work from a young age. They encouraged me to try my very best always, and that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. I know they had good intentions. However, I believe this may have led to me being overly self-critical, that somehow if I don’t accomplish a goal (that someone else has), that makes me a failure. Perhaps this has largely impacted my situation.

As far as the other thoughts that have been running in my head in recent days, I really just need a space to tell someone and get them off my chest. Perhaps you may have some thoughts about these that you’d like to share.

I will refer to school A as my first choice, which rejected me, and school B as my second choice, which I haven’t heard back from.

-While at school A, I barely slept the night prior to the interview, even after taking medication. I am beyond frustrated at my body’s ability to not sleep prior to big events.
-By chance, I was assigned an afternoon interview. I believe that had I gone in the morning, I’d have been better off.
-School A is a regional medical school, with multiple sites. I intentionally chose to interview at a specific site that has roughly a 50-60% post-interview acceptance rate, whereas the other site has a 25-35% acceptance rate. To be blunt, I feel stupid, inadequate and incompetent that I managed to mess this up, as this was my spot to lose.
-I generally interview quite well, this was said both by my supervisor and colleague independently. I did not feel that the interview was a reflection of who I am.
-The interview was done with 3 interviewers, one of whom is the main interviewer, who represents your application to the final decision-making body.
-The first question was “why medicine?” In my explanation, I felt the need to say “my undergrad was at university of x” after introducing my experiences at a certain hospital. At that point the main interviewer cut me off and said “As I mentioned, we’ve already read your application, so if you could just get to the point of why medicine…” This upsets me largely because this threw me off/messed me up for the course of the interview, and also because I never once mentioned this minor detail when practicing for this question. I constantly wonder what could have happened if I didn’t just say that one line.
-I was struggling with coherent thoughts the entire course of the interview. By the afternoon, the sleep deprivation was really hitting me. This interview was not a representation of what I’m capable of. I was riled up and not relaxed as I should have been
-One question I asked was “what stresses you out the most about medical school?” I know I could have given a better answer to this. My answer essentially conveyed that what stresses me out is that medical school is hard and that you have to study a lot. I fear that this was a red flag and ruined my chances all together.
-I prepared for this interview extensively, but somehow I missed a PowerPoint/detailed presentation on School A’s website. Some of these insights could have proven significantly helpful.
-My mind is simply not accepting the outcome. I keep thinking that somehow I can appeal or “manifest” an acceptance to the school.
-I realize that great life lessons can come from the worst of times. This alone frustrates me incredibly because I wasn’t looking for a life lesson. I wanted this interview to go well and get in. As I mentioned earlier, the odds should have been in my favor.
-I constantly find myself envious/comparing myself to those who did get in (to this school and other schools). I know this takes me nowhere, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
-It is April now, and I really wanted the satisfaction of getting into medical school early in the cycle (ie November as it would have been with school A). I’ve learned that you cannot plan out your life in advance, but my mind is so fixated on this.
-I have paid a consultant several thousand dollars to help me in the admissions process. He has claimed over 90% of his students get in when they apply. I don’t understand why I haven’t gotten mine yet. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I wish I had gone with a different consultant, as in hindsight they gave me some advice that didn’t prove to be helpful.
-School B’s interview invitation came just days after I interviewed at School A. I am frustrated, because if it had come just before school A, that definitely would have taken some of the pressure off.
-Even if I get into school B, it is going to cost nearly $100K more over the course of four years. It is on the other side of the country, and away from my family, friends and everything I grew up with. Regardless, I am supposed to hear back from school B by the end of April, and it is causing me extreme amounts of anxiety.

I apologize for the long post, Anita. I really just needed a place to vent and get my thoughts out. Any feedback or insights would be most appreciated.

As an aside, I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you for your willingness to help. I am constantly amazed and inspired by the amount of empathy and concern you display for others on this site. I hope to one day emulate these same qualities as a physician, or in any other profession I choose.

Thank you again!

Jay

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Jay.