Thanks again. I guess deep down I know this.

Interesting that when I’m unsure of my feelings I look for others to tell me what to do. I can’t seem to trust my own thoughts I get advice from my friend my sister I look up on Google and come to forum like this!

When talking to my friend she said to give it a chance give it a go love might come back you only live once etc better than being single so I did with her encouragement full on!! but then  I didn’t feel it. Then I write to you I’m pretty clear I don’t want this. Mum is against this relationship re age gap which caused me much anxiety as she’s my best friend .

He said I’m always 100% influenced by everyone else maybe I am.

I can’t imagine telling him it’s over again he will be so upset I honestly don’t know how to do it. I tried friendship but it was way too hard on him and very intense. If I breakup again am I going to get months of flowers gifts money again? I can’t go thru that again I felt like I murdered his soul! Last time he got very dark and had suicidal threats to me where i involved police. It was very tough . This time I cannot and will not take on the guilt I just can’t.

Right now he’s under a lot of stress with some personal problems he always wanted and needed me to counsel him thru it all. I used to love that but I think now it’s too confusing for him I’ve told him he needs cbt therapy which he is going to try but he believes no one can help him but me….actually he used to say that but now he wants to give it a go which is huge for him.

I’m feeling scared to tell him- he takes my boy to soccer weekly does that mean that has to stop so confused. I’m very willing to be friends but I doubt that will be possible with him . We will see thanks anita u are so amazing giving your time and listening to me and my thoughts.