Dear Scott:

First, your view of your “old self”, that is a nostalgic kind of view. You forget how distressed your old self was in between the feel-good times. From what I remember of our communication, the old self, the one who was secure and comfortable, existed before your (was it) stepfather moved in with your mother and you. It is then (if not before) that your anxiety started big time, was it not?

And so, realistic expectations: it is probably not possible for you anytime soon to feel motivated most of the time. Too much unresolved anxiety from your relationship with your mother and too much anxiety involved in your current relationship, the one with your girlfriend.

Second, it may very well be better for you to not be involved in a relationship at this time, to not be with your girlfriend. I think it will be way better for you but I don’t think you are willing or ready to make this choice, to end the relationship with your girlfriend.

What you shared about your father- I don’t think his relationship difficulties are … genetically transferable. Also, I don’t believe in an inherent chemistry balance problem that requires Zoloft or any drug. I think the early anxiety keeps producing the current anxiety, the current chemistry.

From my experience Zoloft didn’t even come close to curing any issue I had. It only made me feel buffered or numb, or.. cut the edge of my feelings, at times. There is no hope in SSRIs or any psychiatric drug in regard to healing, only if in combination with quality psychotherapy.

And so, I suggest psychotherapy.

anita