Thanks very much Mark and Anita, you both write some home truths.

I talked to him about im not feeling the connection and love like before and im sorry but I dont want to be back in a relationship or friends as its too hard. I apologized for coming back as it may have been because of guilty feelings.

Its been up and down with his responses all in one day.. he was very upset with lots of tears saying dont be sorry if were were sorry you wouldn’t do this, he hates his life, i messed up his life, how could i do this to his heart because i know how he feels about me, then he came over saying how sorry he is and wont ever make feel guilty and he is fine and ok and he understands he said he will be good this time,, then he saw me out and said how stupid i am and i didn’t give us enough time, he believes ive made a mistake, im just too immature to understand, he told me how much he loves me forever and hell never want anyone else. He said i dont believe in us enough, im so special, i should never have come back, very upset saying that i dont care at all, saying hes so upset and cannot believe what i have done and he only wanted to ever have me as a friend in be in his life, and he is not going to get counselling etc anymore. He misses me so much. Then he now said he totally understands and only wants me to be happy and said he will stay away and said goodbye.

Quite intense. I didnt get caught up with answering back everything, i kept my cool saying we ‘were’ good but not anymore, and I wont take on guilt, and im sorry you feel this way but i cant fix you. Most importantly I didn’t take on all the guilt, he has many issues to deal with that i cant be involved in.

Im quite proud of myself for not taking it all on, like i did last time – i can see how i took it all on last time he just made me feel so bad last time, but not this time hopefully, i feel much stronger. I really prayer and hope he means this goodbye for real, ive blocked him.

I need to be myself focus on myself and kids, as you said mark stand on my two feet emotionally. It scares me abit as im so up and down with my feelings these days. I hope he just leaves me alone properly now. I do feel abit of guilt i guess but i think its a normal amount.