I wanted to add to the sister comment. I also realize that I notice all of this above, I do not judge it. But most importantly I also do not feel that it is my job to fix it. For all of these years I thought that I had to have the parent role to give advice and to direct and fix. Of course that was difficult when I too was struggling and my parents were torturing not just her also me. So many of our behaviors of course are a result of ourr life with our mother, everything we are is a result of that. Now I realize that my sister is her own human being she is an adult, she will find her way just like I have found mine. I am not capable of fixing others and myself, in fact it is impossible to fix others. You can guide them and you can give them advice. Taking this burden off will slowly allow me to release a great deal of guilt and BURDEN.  Burden placed on my own self. I noticed when we were in California and after I spoke to you, that it was healthy for both of us to have some distance, not just for me for her too. We are often not our best selves when we are extremely overly involved with the people that we are very close to —that have shared a great deal of distress with us. In addition, like you said there is a history of severe distress in many of our most recent interactions. I now know that I am a great supporter to her, but I am not her end all be all. She is strong and she is also able on her own

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Cali Chica.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Cali Chica.